Fatherhood

Oona's Second Album: LAST PAGES

It was pretty typical for everyone after that.

Sleeping was our favorite activity. (It still is, with eating and playing a close second and third!)

Before August ended, Lolo Lem got to play with his recovering little granddaughter. She still couldn't see much, as with typical newborns, but she knew how to work the crowd!

It was as if she never got sick!

Oona's Second Album: PAGES 17-19

We got visits at the hospital, the night before we came home. Everyone was relieved that she was better. They weren't allowed in the NICU so no one had seen her for a week.

She was less fussy in the following days and her real character began to come out.

She still couldn't focus her newborn eyes, but she would try to stare at faces. It was as if she was catching up for the first few days she was out of commission.




RF would gamely take on anything he could short of feeding her as she was still breastfeeding. However, he did get the hang of cup feeding her from the hospital and he would tell me to pump a bit so he could feed her if she was hungry while I snatched a few minutes more of sleep.

Oona really slept a lot during those following days. We would watch her as she slept and try to make her as comfortable as possible.

Her color improved and so did her temperament. Of course, RF coming home from night shift would still take her to the rooftop deck for some sun. Then, they would come down for breakfast and fall asleep together.

Oona's Second Album: PAGES 5-8

Our first family picture! I was so stoned. I was near blacking out while the doctors were cleaning me and Oona up. RF hovered. I thought Oona was going to drown on my boob. I was aware of fractured sounds, images and thoughts...I don't know what they gave me but I was higher than high. I was fighting it for all I was worth but the drugs, the exhaustion and the physical exertion was too much for me.

Oona and I roomed together from the get go. I still don't know if that was a good idea or not, but all I know is, I couldn't have let her out of my sight for a second. Although St. Luke's is a good hospital, I've heard too many horror stories of babies getting switched or kidnapped. Or maybe it was the drugs working on a new mother's paranoia. Nevertheless, the nurses and our new pedia (we acquired one between the delivery room and the post-op) gave us all the attention and care we needed as a new family.

I was still racked up with pain and RF was desperate for sleep. I don't know where we got the strength we had that day, but seeing Oona, holding her frail little babyness was an incredible experience.

She was so sweet! So tiny! So incredibly ours!

She looked like a burrito, swaddled in her blankets. RF was afraid to hold her because she looked so fragile! He was afraid he'd drop her but the nurses insisted he learn ASAP. I wanted to laugh so hard but all I managed was a dry chuckle. Pain. I was also so very thirsty from not having taken any liquids or eaten anything for over twelve hours.

Looking at Oona's pictures now, I can tell you straight away that at first I was struck at the absence of the intense feeling you kept reading in books. I understand now that it's a romanticized version of parenthood, although it does happen.

For me, I had the certainty that no matter who this little person would turn out to be, she was mine. Not in a possessive, I-own-you kind of way. . . She is a part of me I gave to the world. A part of my body, my soul. She is her own person, but she is as my own.

You know what they say about having children.

It's making that decision to have your heart walk around outside your body.

She was it.

Father's Day

{Credits: Designer Digitals Quote Challenge 1/06/08 Anna Aspnes;
Web Challenge 1/07/07 Mindy Terasawa and
CottageArtsHopeSentimentPak}

For the devoted Daddy. Coming straight from a perpetual night shift, RF would bring our newborn to the rooftop of our building for sunning duties. Oona had a bad case of jaundice and we were trying to beat it with sun. (Unfortunately, it was the stormy season so Oona still ended up in the hospital.)

RF would also be always be singing to Oona (more than I would be) and I often found them asleep together, surrounded by pillows. I think he almost always sings himself to sleep sooner than Oona and the baby would fall asleep to his snoring. Hehe!